woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
