Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
