Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I think my vagina is haunted
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
