I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
