you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
