He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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