I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
