I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
