You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
