she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
