For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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