What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
