Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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