not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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