we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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