so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
