judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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