i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
