Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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