my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
