he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
