I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
