Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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