Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
