i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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