Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
