sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Drake has all the answers
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
