He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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