I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
