just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
