I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
