East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
