I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Naked. naked and bneed help.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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