Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
