also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
