Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize