he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
