Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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