if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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