a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
