I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
