just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
