I didn't shave. On purpose
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
