I cockslap morals
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
