i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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