So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
