I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
