ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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