he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
