I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
