i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
