that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
