eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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