she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
