Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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