Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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