I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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