I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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