I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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