woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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