Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
