Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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