Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
