Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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