You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
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I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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