last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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