Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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