First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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